Alright faithful readers, if you're still out there, I'm still here.
I know I've gone through getting behind spells before...but this 'spell' tops all the rest. But never fear, I'm back on the Bloggin Wagon. I'm not going to make excuses. Let's suffice it to say that I'm coming out of a dark period in my life. That sounds serious doesn't it? It's not really THAT bad. I should clear the air though here, and this is mostly (99.5%) for me and no one else.
But if you're interested, here's my epiphany:
I've always proclaimed myself as a 'noncompetitive person'...(the .5% of people that will enjoy this next part are my immediate family 'pounce' playing partners and my brother), but I was wrong. I AM a competitive person. I'm not a competitive person as in the typical competitive person (ahem, Michael....Lori) way though. I could care less at 'beating' anyone at anything. I don't feel the need to one up anyone...I don't make people play games OvEr and oVeR again because I feel the need to win. (ahem....Michael....Lori) But I am competitive in that I'm not okay with not giving my best and being perfect (or damn close to it) in everything I do. I've managed this character flaw thus far in my life with a hit the ground running, don't stop until your head hits the pillow, make a list/scratch it off, let's move it we've got stuff to do kind of attitude. Well guess what, (and this may come as a shock (not) ) but when you live every aspect of your life like that you're just asking to run yourself into the ground. And guess what else...this flaw mixed with a career choice that will run you into the ground regardless of your character IS NOT A GOOD MIX, people.
Now don't get me wrong. I LOVE my job. I'm not being sarcastic in the least here. I absolutely love teaching. But I don't see my job as just a job. I'm passionate about it. I feel strongly that everything I do for every one of the kids put in my care for the school year matters. It MATTERS. I know it does. I teach kids to read...which is a skill they'll use their whole lives. But more importantly, I try my best to teach kids how to be successful and how to love themselves. And I do it. I put every ounce of my effort into personally reaching every 6 year old put in my care. And it's rewarding as heck. I don't show up for work one day, 20-ish people miss me, and they tell me they do. I have love letters hung on my desk and kids that I've taught who have graduated still remember things they did with me and things that I've taught them. There aren't many jobs that come with perks like that. I remember my teachers when I was young, too. Some of them I remember for good reasons...some of them for not so good reasons. I've taught the last 13 years (ouch....this is my 14th...and that doesn't seem possible, but Yeah....it's true) hell bent on being one of those teachers kids remember for good reasons. And that hasn't changed. But something else has...
I've forced myself to learn how to draw a line. I'm making myself see my job as a job. I have to learn how to shut off my list making, scratch it off-ing, not stopping until I'm done attitude...because I'm never going to be done. If I don't, I'd better start prepping myself to live with regret. My OWN children are only going to be young once. There's no going back and getting a do over for these days. And when they're over, I want to remember them fondly, not look back and be sad that I wasn't 'there.' Of course, I am 'there' but until recently, I've been there with my to do lists, my lap top, my papers that need grading and goals that need writing and monitoring, and folders that need filing, and emails that need responding. And all of those things still matter, too. But the difference is, I know where my priorities are. They're with all the boys that live under this roof. And when my job starts to take me away from those boys and turn me into someone I'm not okay being, then it's time for a change. I have to draw a line. I'm learning to shut off my list making and go go go and turn on my stop and smell the roses more often. And I'm praying and listening a lot about how exactly to do that....and I'm seriously considering hiring a butler. (taking applications now....if you'll work for cheap. Mrs. Kutscher doesn't make THAT much)
And this blog, it's got to be on that priority list. Because when these days are over, because of this blog, I'll be able to live them over and over again. And so will my sweet, sweet boys. So I'm not going to pretend to do a catch up in the next several posts, I'm just doing highlights and pictures...because July to October of 2014 DID happen in this house. And I'm not going to remember the cute little stories that I could've written when all of these pictures were taken, but I'm promising starting October 2014 that I'm going to make writing those cute little stories more of a priority. And I'm going to keep praying and listening and praying and listening to what I need to do to make sure that I'm doing the right thing for these precious boys that God has given me.
And also, I'm going to stop expecting myself to be perfect. I can't do it all. (sigh....that's hard to say....but it's true. Dang it.) I am not perfect...and I can't try to be anymore. And I DO realize that all of this is very clear and obvious...and is something my head has known for a long time. I'm finally just accepting that it applies to my life. :)
Well, there it is. Judge if you must. I'm carrying on. :) :) End of epiphany...
....Beginning of Landon's 'World Cup Party' aka Mom's 'Oh Lord, Please Don't Let Them Break Something Expensive Party' that was in July
National Anthem!
They lined up just like the team....so cute! It was shortly after this that they did the 'I Believe That We Will Win' chant and jumped around the room...and on furniture and what not. :/
Pizza at half time!
Trading flags from the fruit tray
Time for a game of their own
These boys are serious!
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